I covered my empty wine glass while the Italian waitress made her rounds with a bottle of Chianti in hand. “I’m not drinking right now,” I said, even though I was on my honeymoon in Tuscany.
Earlier this year I decided to take a break from alcohol, which also happened to be around the same time my husband and I booked our honeymoon in Italy. I didn’t expect my decision to last long. I thought I’d be back to sucking when I went on my trip, but three months of sobriety quickly turned into six.
It felt strange to board the plane for my vacation without playing in the airport with my usual Gray Goose dirty martini and equally strange not to have a glass of red wine with pasta, but I ended up improving my trip and confirming that my decision stopping drinking was good. Without alcohol I slept great, lost a few pounds and felt less anxious. I suddenly had more time in my day to write, take yoga classes and read novels – things I loved to do but struggled to fit into my schedule. Before I knew it, I had decided to go a year without alcohol.
I am not alone in my decision to cut back. Studies show that adults under 35 are drink less than they have in previous decades and a growing number of Americans are sober curious. Staying sober is always tough, and it becomes even more of a challenge this time of year, when there’s a happy feeling in the air and practically everyone around you is raising a glass to celebrate.
Having a drink may feel good in the short term, but the long-term effects of alcohol can often be harmful, according to Brianda Gonzalez, founder and CEO of The new bara Los Angeles-based retailer of non-alcoholic beverages.
“You never regret doing the right thing for yourself, but it’s often so much easier to do what won’t feel so good tomorrow,” she said.
This is especially true during the holidays.
“Alcohol has been around forever, and we’ve come to appreciate it as almost an essential or a given that it’s going to be a part of any party,” she said.
I almost caved in the first month of sobriety, but it got a little easier as I built new routines into my schedule: happy-hour walks and ice cream instead of nightcaps. I even called my local cocktail bar and asked them to make me a bottle of mocktails to-go. That said, one thing I could never figure out was how to celebrate an occasion – whether it’s a holiday party, family reunion or wedding without alcohol. How do you feel festive without champagne? I consulted experts for tips.
1. Experiment with alcohol substitutes
First and foremost, get creative, says Gonzalez. Using fresh, seasonal ingredients can transform a non-alcoholic drink from a self-imposed alternative to something that feels special, whether it’s a persimmon gin fizz or a spiced whiskey sour. Giving your drink a beautiful garnish and serving it in a nice glass also helps. By enhancing the sensory experience, you can mimic the pleasure that comes with sipping and replicate the sophistication of a craft cocktail.
On the sparkling non-alcoholic front, Gonzalez recommends Prima Pavé Blanc de Blanc, a non-alcoholic wine produced in northeastern Italy, and French Bloom’s La Cuvee, which “feels really, really elevated and special for a super festive moment,” she said. “It tastes like vintage champagne.”
It is no longer unusual to see mocktails on the menu at yours favorite restaurant or bar. In Irvine, Solstice seasonally changes up its mocktail list every three months, flavoring drinks with house-made shrubs and syrups. If it’s glamor you’re after, check it out the wolves downtown, offering affordable cocktails on par with the real thing under a historic domed stained glass ceiling. For more alcohol-free shops, check out Soft spirits in Silver Lake, which has one adaptogen section and sells a Spritz Italiano from LA-based De Soi (co-founded by Katy Perry and Morgan McLachlan).
2. Set boundaries and stay active
The holidays are a tough time for both the sober among us and those who want to drink less, said Ann Dowsett Johnstona psychotherapist specializing in addiction. She recommends coming to a party with your own non-alcoholic beverage and giving yourself permission to leave the party early and get a good night’s sleep.
“As soon as people start repeating themselves or babbling, you’re going to want to go home,” Johnston said.
Another tip: Plan activities that don’t revolve around sitting and drinking, like going on a hike or checking out a new museum.
“I think it can be a really good way to have a more balanced holiday season while still feeling like you’re celebrating and participating in things that bring you joy,” Gonzalez said.
When I was in Tuscany, my husband and I would take foggy afternoon walks through olive groves and pull out our bird apps to identify the European robins chattering in the background. We sipped cappuccinos after lunch in small Tuscan towns, read the books we never had time to finish, and had a few good laughs using Google Translate to order meals in Italian. In Rome, I woke up with enough energy to walk six miles, from Piazza Navona to the Roman Forum. And considering it was our honeymoon, it’s worth mentioning that sober sex is way better than the drunken version.
3. Resist FOMO
Even with the clear benefits that came from being sober on my honeymoon, I still felt like I was missing out when it was dinner, surrounded by bottles of wine on every table and laughter echoing from every corner of the room. It’s a common feeling, Johnston said.
“I often think that when we stop drinking, we go into scarcity mode,” said Johnston, who has been sober for 16 years and wrote about his experience in his 2013 book.Drink: The intimate relationship between women and alcohol.”
She suggested writing a gratitude list of five things you are grateful for each morning. It might sound strange, but it works. Sobriety is always one of the things I’m grateful for when I journal every morning. When I feel the temptation to drink, I think about having to face myself on the side. I know I will never regret not having a drink. Sobriety provides the security I need in my life right now.
4. Give yourself credit—and grace
I’ve tried tons of mocktails, but the closest thing to the celebratory feeling for me is hitting the 28th of the month – my sobriety marker. Every time the date rolls around, it feels like a celebration. Oddly enough, it often comes when I would normally celebrate with alcohol: my birthday, a writing retreat with friends, even my honeymoon. Seeing that date in my diary and writing that I’ve made it through another month feels miles better than uncorking a bottle of Dom Perignon.
That said, if you’re trying to be sober but slip up and have a drink, don’t beat yourself up. Just try again. In previous years I have not been able to complete dry January, but for some reason I have been able to stay sober this time.
“You get to start over every day, and you develop a muscle,” Johnston said. If you count your drinks and measure each five-ounce glass of wine, you’re still drinking consciously.
This holiday season, I plan to see friends and family, although alcohol will be on the table as well. I know I’ll probably feel the same way I did in Italy—like I’m missing out—but I also know the feeling will pass. When New Year’s Eve rolls around, I will have to write in my diary that I haven’t had a drink in nine months. And that feels like something worth celebrating, bubbly or not.
Betsy Vereckey’s debut memoir is forthcoming next fall from Rootstock Publishing. She lives in Vermont with her husband and four noisy terriers.
