“FORGIVENESS is available for all of us.”
So decreed serial shagger-turned-alleged rapist Russell Brand.
Russell Brand decreed: ‘Forgiveness is available for all of us’[/caption]
Back in April he was baptised in the River Thames by TV’s Bear Grylls[/caption]
It was unclear if he had his fingers crossed as he tweeted this declaration, which came as it emerged that serious allegations about his behaviour towards women have been sent by cops to the CPS for consideration.
Brand, “absolutely refutes” the various accusations levelled at him, such as raping a women in LA and sexually assaulting another in West Hollywood.
The wheels of justice will now turn and we must, of course, let them rotate freely.
But if Brand does end up needing a miracle to secure his innocence, he is certainly doing his damnedest to suck up to the guy who might give him one.
Brand, in case you missed it — and you could be, ahem, forgiven for having done so, so tedious has he become — is now a devoted Christian.
Not just any old Christian either, but a full on “Praise the Lord!” evangelist who insists on quoting excerpts from the Bible as often as he exhales.
Randy Russell has even given over his Twitter page — where he still somewhat fraudulently describes him as a “comedian” — to pronouncements, delivered with his trademark verbal diarrhoea, about his latest fad.
Recently he was filmed leading an audience in the Lord’s Prayer after an on-stage interview with the creepy Tucker Carlson (another famous gobs***e hunting for validation after being jettisoned by the mainstream media).
News of Brand’s unexpected conversion came just a few months after he was publicly accused in 2023 of sex crimes.
Back in April he was baptised in the River Thames by TV’s Bear Grylls.
Yes, you read that right. Anglican Grylls said it was a “privilege” to plunge the tattooed Jesus-a-like into the famously disgusting waters to “cleanse” him and allow him to, as Brand insisted, “leave the past behind”.
Hmmm. We shall see how that last bit works out. Look, good luck to you if you happen to be, as Brand now proclaims himself to be, a “believer”.
Many people choose the path of religion for wholesome and virtuous reasons — having faith in a messed-up world gives some folk comfort and purpose.
But if I was even remotely religious I’d be a little bit worried if someone as notorious as Brand got involved with my particular branch of faith.
For Brand may like to think he is a born-again Christian, but the truth is he was born an insufferable attention-seeker, and an attention seeker he remains.
His embracing of Christianity appears to be nothing more than a deeply cynical excursion — one that he hopes will give him absolution for whatever sins he may or may not have committed.
“Forgiveness is available to us all,” let’s not forget. Even juries in sex assault cases, Russell?
Crucially for this 49-year-old narcissist, adopting a religion also provides him with a new platform from which to seek the adulation that has dried up elsewhere.
Mainstream television and the film industry are done with him and his tiresome mockney philosopher garbage.
Grasping the last branch Comedy has become a distant memory, and as for the endless queues of women he used to enjoy, well, they appear to be lining up for something else from him now.
Brand’s “brand”, as it was, is a busted flush so he’s grasping at the last branch he can find as he cascades downstream towards irrelevance. I pity the true believers.
Religion has a hard enough time as it is, convincing people it’s not all bad.
Religion has a hard enough time
Churchgoing numbers are dwindling in the UK — 170,000 have stopped attending in the past four years.
The last thing God needs right now is more bad press. Phoney prophets — especially those with rape claims hanging over their heads — can only do more harm than good.
You may remember Brand’s flirtation with politics a decade ago when he decided Ed Miliband was the Second Coming and should be anointed PM in the 2015 election.
He grilled a naive Miliband on his then-YouTube channel and over a million people, presumably Big Brother fans still enamoured by his Cockney cobblers schtick, tuned in. It was an unmitigated disaster.
Far from saving the Labour Party, it helped sink them and David Cameron romped home with an unexpected majority.
Next time round he backed Corbyn. A pattern emerges.
Because when push comes to shove, people just aren’t buying his “beliefs”.
For my money, Russell Brand is a fraud. And luckily if the CPS does decide to prosecute, it won’t be the Lord who judges him.
A load of hot air
HAD to check the calendar after seeing a story that tourist tat merchants at Lake Como are selling cans of AIR.
No, it wasn’t April 1 – apparently visitors really are so enamoured with the swanky Italian home of such folk as Nespresso chief evangelist George Clooney that they’ll buy any old crap with the destination emblazoned on it.
Merchants at Lake Como are selling cans of AIR[/caption]
But what exactly do these €10 cans of Lake Como air smell of?
The savoury top notes of misultitt, the area’s famous fish dish?
The refreshing pine fragrance of the local forests?
Or just one of Gorgeous George’s farts?
Return NHS £££ Chazza
SO now we know what King Charles’s idea of a slimmed down monarchy is – fewer royals taking a growing pot of cash.
How else to interpret revelations this week that His Maj is creaming off ever more millions from land he “owns”.
King Charles is creaming off ever more millions from land he ‘owns’[/caption]
Most egregious is his Duchy of Lancaster estate charging the NHS £11.4million+ for a 15-year lease to rent out space for electric ambulances.
The Duchy of Lancaster said it “operates as a commercial company” and “complies with all relevant UK legislation”.
Meanwhile tax-paying schmucks like you and I are put on a waiting list for longer than we have left on Earth as the NHS is in dire need of funding.
This country is pretty tolerant of the monarchy – we don’t fling mud at them when the chips are down, like they do in Spain.
But that respect is not unconditional.
So do us a favour, Chaz – hand back the cash.
Flamin’ cheek
HOW was your Bonfire Night?
Did you have to suffer some woke nonsense like the fire “projection” the denizens of Dulwich, South London, had to deal with a while back after leftie councillors decided burning stuff wasn’t very eco-friendly? I hope not.
A drone show is seen in the skies over London from Alexandra Palace[/caption]
But more likely your organised fireworks display, like mine, contained a good slug of that new craze, the drone display.
The first ten minutes of our £20-a-ticket “fireworks festival” in North London featured hundreds of synchronised drones drawing images in the sky.
It’s clever stuff but quickly becomes a bit “so what?”
“Ooh look, it’s a dolphin!” Yawn.
Just batter my senses with the snap and sparkle of gunpowder, lads.
That’s what I’m here for – not the night sky edition of a Windows 98 screensaver.
Thom’s biting back
THOM YORKE, the peculiar singer of indie darlings Radiohead, has been getting a bucketload from the right-on mob for walking off stage after being heckled by a pro-Palestinian supporter.
Thom – a conscientiously conscientious bloke who is not exactly pop’s Genghis Khan – invited the screeching fella on stage to say his piece during a gig in Australia.
He told the excitable chap he was welcome to “p*** on everybody’s night” if he wanted to as the crowd booed.
Good for him.
It must be hard work being a credible artist these days when ar*eholes on social media insist you back every left-wing position going or they’ll do their level best to cancel you.
I hope all the self-righteous blowhards kicking ten bells out of Thom carry out their threats to boycott his next concert.
It will be a much more enjoyable experience for us less judgmental fans.
Not for fanfare
ONLYFANS has reached a new nadir – and no, I didn’t think that was possible either.
Someone calling herself Bonnie Blue claims she has been sleeping with up to 22 blokes a day as she tours the globe looking for “barely legal” 18-year-old lads to bed.
Bonnie Blue claims she has been sleeping with up to 22 blokes a day[/caption]
The 25-year-old, from Nottingham, has been accused of behaving like a “prostitute” as she is shown wandering the streets holding up a sign saying: “Bonk me for free. Let me film it.”
Meanwhile, Lily Phillips, another Brit, has been told she needs psychological help by her own fans after apparently inviting 1,000 men to have sex with her in just 24 hours.
This “ticketed event” is a follow-up to a recent stunt where she bedded 101 men in just 14 hours.
Those concerned voices are right.
These women really do need help – not a perverted audience of enabling “fans”.
