Dear Erik: I have a friend that I haven’t spoken to since her little wedding two years ago. I thought we were pretty close friends for 25 years. We shared our ups and downs.
Before her wedding, she said it would be a small ceremony with only about 30 friends and family. It would be in a restaurant. They planned to pay for everyone and 30 was their limit. I was shocked and hurt when she said there was no room for me. I always thought we were close.
I offered to pay for my own dinner, but she declined my offer and me. She later texted me pictures of her ceremony as if to include me in this pathetic way. I didn’t respond to the pictures and we haven’t spoken since.
I always thought she would reach out to me, but she never did. In the end, I feel like she has shown me that she really doesn’t care about our friendship and doesn’t care that I got hurt. Am I wrong or is she wrong?
– Off the guest list
Best Guest List: There is a saying that goes “there are three sides to every story: your side, my side and the truth. And nobody lies.”
It seems clear that you have different ideas about the depth of your friendship and how you can show the other how valuable they are. She could see your friendship as less close than you do, or she could think she was actually including you by texting you. And that is her truth.
Your truth is just as valid though. You were hurt and part of being in a friendship is listening when a friend says we hurt them and then making it right.
To get closure, I suggest you reach out to clear the air. You wanted her to reach out in response to your hurt, but did you really tell her you were hurt? Is it possible that she is hurt that you didn’t respond to the pictures? I’m not sure either of you are wrong here. However, a conversation is the only way to arrive at a common truth and hopefully reconciliation.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him at Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
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