You’re done with the ceremony, the exchange of dalas, and the reception is finally over with the confetti settled, and now comes the real challenge – impressing your in-laws. For many newlyweds, this is where the actual game begins. You have to win them over, one smile, one compliment and one well-timed cup of tea at a time. It is not enough to just keep your distance from them.
Before you say, “I don’t need their approval,” let me tell you something. You do! After all, impressing your in-laws is the secret sauce to making awkward family gatherings enjoyable.
The first months: Walking on eggshells
The first thing you should know is that the honeymoon phase after marriage does not apply to your in-laws. If anything, it’s an intense trial period. Every move you make will be noted, analyzed and possibly discussed over dinner when you’re not around.
For women, this can mean navigating kitchen politics like a pro. No, you don’t have to whip up a seven-course dinner, but offering to make tea without being asked is an easy win. Remember, your mother-in-law might say, “Tumi kheye nao, kichu korte hobe na,” but if you take it literally, you’re walking a fine line.
For men, this means that you stand up for the household chores that you never thought of before. Fixing a light bulb or running a quick errand for your father-in-law will earn you more points than you expect. And if you’re bad at DIY, at least show some enthusiasm while doing the steps for someone else.
To master the art of small gestures
When it comes to impressing in-laws, the big things matter less than the small, consistent gestures. Women often underestimate how far a simple, “Your sari is very elegant,” can go with their mother-in-law. Compliment her cooking? Jackpot. Ask for her secret khichuri recipe? You’re practically the family favorite now.
Men, on the other hand, can score big with dads by showing interest in whatever hobby they’re interested in. Does your father-in-law like cricket? Refresh the latest series. Does he love gardening? Offer to water the plants (even if you secretly drown half of them).
And don’t forget the siblings. They may not have as much power as the parents, but their approval is often the gateway to the whole family’s heart. Share a joke, give them a small gift or – if you’re brave – stand behind them in a harmless family debate.
Navigating the food minefield
In most Bangladeshi homes, food is considered sacred and how you interact with it can make or break your relationship with your in-laws. Even if you feel like you might burst if your in-laws give you food, always take at least a modest bite. Refusing food might as well be a declaration of war.
Ladies, if you’re expected to cook, aim for something simple but impressive – a perfectly round square can do wonders for your reputation. Men, don’t underestimate the power of helping set the table or doing some dishes. You will be hailed as a modern husband, and believe me, the praise will echo for weeks.
When you inevitably mess up
Despite your best efforts, you will make mistakes. Maybe you called your mother-in-law’s beloved pickle ‘onek jhaal’ (big mistake), or you forgot your father-in-law’s morning tea. These moments are inevitable, but the important thing is how you deal with them.
Apologize quickly and sincerely. For women, a soft laugh and a “Next time ar hobe na” will do wonders. For men, a sincere effort to rectify the mistake – such as rushing to make a new pot of tea – will win back some lost points.
Understand the long game
Impressing your in-laws is a marathon, not a sprint. A grand gesture isn’t enough to impress them, so you can’t stop there. It is about gradually establishing relationship and trust.
Sometimes you will feel like you are trying too hard but remember that perfection is not the goal. It’s about showing your concern enough to make an effort. The dividend? A harmonious family dynamic and the ability to participate in family functions without dreading every interaction.
Let’s face it, a well-fed, happy mother-in-law and a father-in-law who thinks you’re “one of the good ones” are worth their weight in gold. So take a deep breath, grab the tray of cha and go win them over – one gesture at a time.
