I’m mortified after finding my boyfriend’s profile on a bondage site

DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend’s profile is on a bondage site, worse still I’ve seen that he’s been asking what sort of things they do and how much they charge.

I couldn’t believe he’d do this to me now that I’m eight months pregnant with our first child.

We’ve been together for seven years and living together for four years. We are both 32.

I thought our life was beginning to settle down and we were both excited to be expanding our family.

That was until everything came crashing down.

I smashed my phone screen recently so I was trying to find a repair shop in town and used my boyfriend’s laptop. He uses the same password for almost everything so I managed to get in.

When I opened the screen, he’d left tabs open including some for pornography and one for this bondage site.

He’s never asked me about tying him up or even tying me up. He’s shy when it comes to sex and doesn’t say much other than, “That was fun” or “Do you want to have sex tonight?”.

I’ve checked our bank account and no strange payments are going out so I don’t think he’s gone through with anything. 

I don’t know how to talk to him about what I’ve found.

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DEIDRE SAYS: It doesn’t matter how you tell him but if you don’t say anything, it is going to fester. This is a time when you should be looking after yourself and having the support of your partner if you can.

Harbouring secrets will be detrimental to your relationship and cause undue stress.

Find a quiet moment to tell him what you inadvertently found on his laptop and ask for an explanation.

It doesn’t sound as if any harm has been done but the intention was there, so my support pack called, Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will show you where you go from here.