Clear the aisles, because you’re about to roll in them with this collection of short jokes that are serious knee-slappers. Yep, we’ve rounded up our favorites, dad is joking and corny one-liners to break out if necessary.
Whether you’re having lunch with colleagues, out with friends or need a range of jokes you can actually remember so you don’t completely blow the punchline, these short jokes are the perfect antidote to any situation that calls for a healthy dose of humor.
Indeed these funny puns is just what the doctor ordered if you or anyone else is in need of a good laugh. Speaking of doctors, did you hear about the invisible man who went to the ER? He is still waiting to be seen. How about the wizard who drove down the street? Apparently he turned into a parking lot.
There’s no doubt that these short jokes are terrible in all the right ways. Actually with so many complicated cracks at your disposal, your father is obliged to borrow them for his own storage space. And while they may be completely cheesy, you can’t deny that these jokes are quite grid.
Best of all, these gags aren’t just for dads. Everyone – including kids, moms, grandpas, coworkers, neighbors, and even random people walking down the street – is sure to get a kick out of these comic gems.
Even if you decide to keep this treasure trove pure jokes all for yourself, we guarantee that by the time you’re done reading them, your funny bone will be thoroughly tickled.
Short jokes for adults
- What is the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a plus.
- Did you hear about the ski trip? It started well but quickly went downhill.
- How do you know when a computer is on a diet? It stops eating after just one prey.
- What is a zebra? A few sizes larger than A.
- I don’t like malls. When you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.
- What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
- I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned around.
- Why did the golfer cry? He was going through a difficult situation.
- Why did the woman throw her bills out the window? She wanted to send them by airmail.
- What do cows do on date night? Go to movies.
- Did you hear about the tree that went into banking? It started its own branch.
- What happened to the archaeologist who lost his job? Her career was in ruins.
- How does a lumberjack know how many trees he has cut down? He keeps a log.
- Why wouldn’t you trust atoms? They constitute everything.
- Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale? You can buy it without restrictions.
- Did you hear about the woman who couldn’t stop collecting newspapers? She had problems.
- Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Any idea how to run this thing?”
- Once I made a lot of money clearing leaves. I was raking it in.
- I’m not a hard rocker. I actually think it’s pretty easy.
- Why was the math book down in the dump? It had many problems.
- Why do hairdressers make good drivers? They know many shortcuts.
- Why did the elephant leave the circus? It was tiring to work for peanuts.
- Did you hear about the invisible man who went to the ER? He is still waiting to be seen.
Best short jokes
- Did you hear about the dentist who won an award? They gave him a small plaque.
- What kind of shoes do spies wear? Sneakers.
- Did you hear about the wizard who drove down the street? He turns into a parking lot.
- Where do the boats go when they are sick? Dock tower.
- What is it like to fly on a magic carpet? Very robust.
- How to prevent diseases from biting insects? Don’t bite them.
- Why was the man fired from the mattress factory? He kept sleeping on the job.
- Why did the computer get glasses? To improve its website.
- What kind of shoes do plumbers wear? Clogs.
- What do trees wear to bathe? Trunks.
- I went shopping for a pair of camouflage pants. But I didn’t find any.
- Bacon and eggs walk into a restaurant. The host says: “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
- I told a chemistry joke once. I didn’t get much of a reaction.
- My dad was hit in the head with a can of soda. Luckily it was a soft drink.
- What do you call people who sleep in socks? Very small.
- I used to steal soap, but I’m clean now.
- Why do tigers have stripes? They don’t want to be found out.
- My boss told me to have a good day. So I didn’t go to work.
- I once got fired from a keyboard factory. They said I didn’t have enough shifts.
- I used to be afraid of obstacles. But I got over it.
- Why do dragons sleep during the day? So they can hunt knights.
- Are all math puns bad? No, just summarize.
- What does a house wear? Address.
- I got rid of my vacuum cleaner. It was just gathering dust.
- I excel at sleeping. I can actually do it with my eyes closed.
- I used to be afraid to paint, but eventually I brushed it off.
Short funny jokes
- Why wouldn’t you marry a calendar? Its days are numbered.
- Why was the broom late to school? It swept too much.
- What did the duvet say after falling off the bed? Oh, the sheets!
- How much do you pay deer for a day’s work? One hundred bucks.20
- Why don’t trees watch scary movies? They become petrified.
- What did the Dalmatian say after dinner? “Whoah, it suddenly hit!”
- What kind of bug does time tell? A bell roach.
- What did one beer say to the other? It’s a good ale.
- What do you call coffee with a sixth sense? Déjà brew.
- What is a llama’s favorite movie? “Alpaca licks now.”
- Why wouldn’t you drive a dinosaur crazy? Because you will get Jurass-kicked.
- What do math books have under the cover? Algae bra.
- What do you say to an award-winning cheese? “Gouda job!”
- How do movie stars stay cool? They have many fans.
- It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was tiered.
- Where do bunnies go for breakfast? TOGETHER.
- Why was the belt seized? It held up a pair of pants.
- Why did the cloud stay home from school? It felt under the weather.
- Why wouldn’t you tell your secrets to a legume? They always spill the beans.
- Did you hear about the polite clown? It was a nice joker.
- What do you call a crocodile wearing a vest? An investigator.
Short jokes for children
- What did the man say to his fingers? “I’m counting on you.”
- How does the ocean say hello? It beckons.
- Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. The summer wasn’t bad either.
- How do pigs do their homework? With a pig farm.
- How do you rent a horse? Put it on a ladder.
- What do pigs use in the shower? Hogwash.
- How to fix a broken tomato? With tomato puree.
- What is the pirate’s favorite letter? “C.”
- What’s the best way to throw a party in space? Your planet.
- What kind of tree fits your hand? A palm tree.
- What kind of witch likes to go to the beach? A sandwich.
- What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
- Why did the sauna go to the doctor? It didn’t feel that hot.
- Why did the owl quit its job? It didn’t make a fuss.
- How much do dead batteries cost? There should be no charge.
- Did you hear about the soap-stealing robber? He decided to come clean.
- Why don’t people play hide and seek more? Because it’s hard to find good players.
- What did one eye say to the other? Something smells between us.
- Why are astronauts so clean? They take meteor showers.
- When is a door not a door? When it stands ajar.
- What did the hamburgers name their new baby? Bun.
- One said the T-rex to the velociraptor? Nothing, they are extinct.
- Why wouldn’t you trust the animals of the jungle? They are always lions.
- What is the best way to make an egg roll? Press it.
- Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It had a bad case.
- How do you make an octopus laugh? Give it ten tickles.
Short puns and tricks
- I wanted to take a bath. But then decided to leave it where it is.
- I’d tell a pizza joke, but that’s probably too cheesy.
- I try not to tell dad jokes. But when I do, he thinks they’re funny.
- What did one volcano say to the other? I cook you.
- Why should artists be avoided? They tend to be sketchy.
- I’m afraid of elevators, so I take steps to avoid them.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping? They woke her up.
- My mother asked me to let the cat out. I didn’t know it was on fire.
- What do you call a pen with two erasers? Meaningless.
- When is a pool safe for diving? It ends deep.
- Have you ever camped? It’s in a tent.
- I once read a book about glue. I couldn’t put it down.
- Why wouldn’t you eat a bell? It’s too time consuming.
- Did you hear about the car with logs for wheels? It goes in wood.
- What did one playing card say to the other? I can’t deal with you.
- Did you hear about the broken hearing aid? Wait, what?
- What do you call a cow with bad behavior? Beef jerky.
- What kind of birds eat at the deli? Bagels.
- Why didn’t Santa pay his rent? He was a little short.
- Why shouldn’t you eat clowns? They taste funny.
- When does a dad joke become a dad joke? When it becomes obvious.
- A bossy man walked into a bar. Then ordered everyone a round.
- I only get colds on weekdays. Probably because I have a weekend immune system.
- Why did the roofer go to the doctor? He had shingles.
