DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER putting up with my wife’s excessive boozing for years, I told her I was leaving, hoping it might make her change.
But she kept on drinking.
I am 53 and my wife is 48.
We have been married for 18 years.
I love her but it feels as though I’m being punished for something beyond my control.
We used to drink socially in our village at weekends but then her drinking spiralled out of control and she’d often embarrass herself – being rude or falling all over the place.
She started to go to the pub alone in the week and others would bring her home in a right state.
Sometimes I would wake up alone imagining something terrible had happened to her and have no clue about how to track her down.
I tried talking to her but got nowhere. I don’t like confrontation at the best of times.
I couldn’t take much more and told her I was leaving, hoping this might make her realise I was serious about her drinking.
Sadly, I have heard through friends that she still gets drunk all the time.
I can’t stop loving her but wish she could go back to how she used to be.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Nothing will change until your wife admits she has an alcohol problem.
Her addiction has become more important to her than you are.
She has ruined her relationship and is damaging her health to boot.
Sadly you can’t make her change. She has to make the choice to stop drinking and steer clear of the pub.
She needs to get help for her addiction.
My support pack Dealing With A Problem Drinker has details of help if she decides to stop.
You can also get help and support through al-anonuk.org.uk (0800 0086 811), which supports the partners and families of those who have a drinking problem.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
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AMANDA ABBINGTON has been approached to take part in Celebrity Big Brother but turned it down due to her experiences on Strictly Come Dancing.
Her brief stint on the BBC One dance contest last year led to a long investigation into her pro partner Giovanni Pernice which ended with several complaints about his behaviour upheld, as reported in the Sun right.
Producers of CBB wanted to sign her up for the new series, set to air next year on ITV, since she has been in the limelight recently and they hoped that she might open up on the murky chapter in Strictly’s history.
A TV insider said: “Amanda decided to discreetly turn down the offer because she felt so traumatised by the last reality TV contest she was on.
“She couldn’t face going through all the trolling that she received when she complained about Giovanni which made her feel like public enemy number one.
“Of course, the fee for taking part would have been appreciated but she just couldn’t face it.
“Amanda has absolutely nothing against Celebrity Big Brother, though.
“Indeed, she will be tuning in to watch the show next year, along with the rest of the country.”
ITV confirmed last month that BB and CBB would be returning for a third series on the channel, which will coincide with the reality TV show celebrating its 25th birthday. Hosted by Davina McCall, Big Brother became an instant phenomenon when it began on Channel 4 in 2000 and ended ten years later.
It then enjoyed a run on Channel 5 from 2011 until 2018.
ITV chiefs revived the show last year and swiftly rebooted the celeb spin-off.
The first celebrity version appeared on our screens in 2001 with some pretty impressive stars, including comedian Jack Dee, who won the debut series, and telly presenter Vanessa Feltz.
It’s a pity Amanda has turned down CBB but I can understand why she decided it had to be a polite no.
RADIO 2 legend Ken Bruce couldn’t stay away for long.
My exclusive pic shows the broadcasting legend staging his own radio reunion with other BBC stalwarts, Bob Harris and OJ Borg.
The trio are part of a fab five taking on Ken’s Popmaster Christmas special.
And all the contenders should really know their stuff when it comes to the charts.
Joining the Radio 2 cohort are Radio 1’s Katie Thistleton and Rickie Haywood-Williams, plus Ken’s Greatest Hits Radio pal Jenny Powell.
Ken left the BBC last year for the commercial station and launched beloved quiz Popmaster as a TV format on More4, where it’s been doing great business.
But which radio DJ will come out as the Christmas number one?
The special airs tomorrow (Tues) at 9pm on More4.
PETER KAY says he has yet to watch the new Wallace & Gromit BBC festive flick – even though he is in it.
I revealed on Friday that the funnyman is starring as Chief Inspector Mackintosh, above, in Vengeance Most Fowl, which airs on BBC One on Christmas Day.
But speaking on Absolute Radio’s The Jason Manford Show, he joked: “I haven’t seen it yet.
“I have had it on a knock-off Fire Stick and been selling it on Sundays with the film Gladiator II, and I’ve got Wicked in black and white.
“Down Fletcher Street in Bolton I have a stall. I do four litres of bleach, Duracell batteries and Immac.
“I’m down there with this Fire Stick, so if anyone wants Wallace & Gromit, I’m there.”
Not if Beeb bosses get there first, Peter.
WHILE Britain remains hopeful Gavin & Stacey: The Finale will finally reveal what happened on that fishing trip, Rob Brydon has hinted Uncle Bryn has other more pressing matters on his mind.
Talking to Chris Evans on Virgin Radio, Rob was asked what new technology the beloved character might now be embracing.
Rob said: “There was talk of whether he was into air fryers and stuff.
“I think Bryn would be a bit scared of [AI chatbot] ChatGPT, as I am.
“I find it mind-boggling the thought of what that stuff can do.”
Imagining one of Bryn’s lines to Gavin, Rob joked: “It’s called ChatGPT. You can put anything in Gav, and I mean anything.”
I wonder if ChatGPT knows what went on, riverside?
WAG turned GB News host Lizzie Cundy is in the running to join Real Housewives of London.
Bosses at Hayu are talking to a gaggle of divas now to cast the new spin-off of the famous franchise.
They reckon socialite Lizzie could be the next Lisa Vanderpump.
FIRST Dates is back with a festive special, and there’s one familiar singleton hoping bosses will deliver her biggest Christmas wish – finding a new man.
Show waitress Cici Coleman is looking for her ideal match and has even asked maître d’ Fred Sirieix to dish up a date for her.
Cici said: “Fred has introduced me to a lot of men but, I’m afraid, nothing in the long term department.
“Putting my love life in the hands of the First Dates team is definitely something I’ve discussed, but it just never happened. They haven’t found me the right one yet.
“So who knows? If I’m single next series then I’m sure the conversation will be had!”
First Dates at Christmas is on Channel 4 on Thursday at 9pm.
DEAR DEIDRE: THE thrill I’m getting from having sex with my ex is intoxicating.
Not only is the action better than ever, I love the feeling of power knowing he can’t resist me.
He cheated on me with his current girlfriend and I was devastated when he finally finished with me.
I am 24 and my ex is 25. We were together for two years.
I caught him out a few times by going to the nightclub he said he was at, only to find he wasn’t there.
Soon after finishing with me, I discovered that this woman was carrying his baby. I was saddened and shocked.
We stopped talking for a while and I was starting to move on when out of the blue he messaged me, asking if he could see me.
I have to admit I was overjoyed to hear from him and was secretly hoping they had finished.
He called me over to his place and when he looked into my eyes, I just surrendered.
We ended up having sex and have been sneaking around on a regular basis.
He always warns me when the other woman is going over to see him — then I have to stay away.
He also insists that I keep quiet when he speaks to her on the phone.
It’s humiliating and puts a dampener on my mood.
I feel as though I am his “bit on the side” even though I was with him before her.
My friends tell me to give him up but I still love him.
I would love for our relationship to go back to how it used to be but I don’t think that is going to happen.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You no doubt felt you were getting back at this woman after she came between you and your ex.
But the reality is that this man is seeing you entirely on his terms.
Take a cold look at how spending time with him leaves you feeling.
Your ex-boyfriend may genuinely care for you, as well as lust after you, but he can’t have it all.
You admit you feel humiliated after each encounter, so ask yourself why you accept this situation when you are worth so much more.
He doesn’t put either of you first in his life.
He is stopping you from getting over him and you are missing out on the chance to meet someone new who could treat you much better.
My support pack, Mend Your Broken Heart, will help you to move on.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband lied about paying off thousands of pounds of debt caused by his gambling addiction.
I am 49 and my husband is 50.
We have been together for almost 25 years.
The debt has accumulated on his credit card.
He swore blind he had the debt under control but I discovered this was a total lie.
We had a huge row and in the end I paid off his debts.
Now I wish I hadn’t because I never got so much as a thank you.
This has made me feel used and resentful. I am now seeing a different side to him – a nasty side.
My husband can be sulky and dejected.
All he does these days is watch television and ignore me.
I know he is taking money out of our joint account.
He won’t tell me what he has been spending it on when I confront him.
He just said it was none of my business.
I can’t confide in anyone, I am so fed up.
He is in denial about his addiction – and the difficulty you face is convincing him.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: What is certain is that you cannot continue like this. It is dragging you down.
He may have become addicted to adrenalin surges, but he is digging you into deep debt.
If he refuses to accept he has a problem and doesn’t change, you are going to have to look after your own interests.
Talk to gamanon.org.uk who help the families and friends of gamblers.
My support pack, Gambling In The Family?, explains more.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
DEAR DEIDRE: SEX with my wife is non-existent, so I joined a dating website as I felt I was missing out.
I made several “friends with benefits”, but I’ve discovered it’s not the answer.
I am 45 and my wife is 41.
We have been together for 12 years and have a daughter aged seven.
Everything is good in our relationship apart from the lack of sex.
I get very frustrated.
I am not a sex maniac or someone who wants sex all the time.
I just want a normal sex life.
I have tried to talk to my wife about how I feel but nothing changes.
I don’t think she can begin to understand what it is like for me.
I know there is more to life than sex and I really don’t enjoy cheating.
It’s not only the sexual frustration that I struggle with, it’s the total lack of intimacy and not feeling wanted by her.
I know what I am doing is wrong and I really want to stop, but at the moment I can’t seem to help myself.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It is unrealistic for your wife to think your marriage can survive without sex – but having sex with other women is not the answer.
Do you think that your wife feels taken for granted? Or is the sex not so great for her?
Kissing and cuddling with no pressure to have sex will start to bring back intimacy.
My support pack, Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive, should be of help.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
