DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER putting up with my wife’s excessive boozing for years, I told her I was leaving, hoping it might make her change.
But she kept on drinking.
I am 53 and my wife is 48.
We have been married for 18 years.
I love her but it feels as though I’m being punished for something beyond my control.
We used to drink socially in our village at weekends but then her drinking spiralled out of control and she’d often embarrass herself – being rude or falling all over the place.
She started to go to the pub alone in the week and others would bring her home in a right state.
Sometimes I would wake up alone imagining something terrible had happened to her and have no clue about how to track her down.
I tried talking to her but got nowhere. I don’t like confrontation at the best of times.
I couldn’t take much more and told her I was leaving, hoping this might make her realise I was serious about her drinking.
Sadly, I have heard through friends that she still gets drunk all the time.
I can’t stop loving her but wish she could go back to how she used to be.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Nothing will change until your wife admits she has an alcohol problem.
Her addiction has become more important to her than you are.
She has ruined her relationship and is damaging her health to boot.
Sadly you can’t make her change. She has to make the choice to stop drinking and steer clear of the pub.
She needs to get help for her addiction.
My support pack Dealing With A Problem Drinker has details of help if she decides to stop.
You can also get help and support through al-anonuk.org.uk (0800 0086 811), which supports the partners and families of those who have a drinking problem.
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