My daughter is currently in the midst of the college search phase, and with so many college and university options, you might imagine that this journey is both complex and exciting.
As a parent, I want to help make my child’s senior year as stress-free as possible by assisting her during the process, but I also want to step back a bit as she begins the transition to adulthood. With this in mind, finding a way to be just the right amount of helpful is so important.
As my second child who’s heading to college — her older brother is in his junior year — this isn’t my first experience in the college search phase. However, as parents know, each kid in the family is different and has their own distinct style as to how they proceed with tasks and achieve their goals.
During her brother’s college search, it was a new experience for all of us — including the path to finding the ideal university plus all of the other important parts of the process, including the application procedures, financial aid steps, and the final step of him narrowing down the options to his chosen school. This time, we have the experience and can pursue the college search phase with a bit more confidence. With that said, it’s so important for me to take a step back and let my daughter find a school that works best for her.
I’m letting her apply to schools without setting too many restrictions
The first way I’ve taken a step back during this college search phase is by letting her apply to a wide array of schools without setting too many restrictions.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that every school will be a top choice for her or that we’ll be able to afford it. It just gives her more freedom to explore potential schools that may meet her personal requirements for a good fit and gives her peace of mind knowing she’s considered different options.
From that point onward, we can discuss the finer details of each school, including the pros and cons and feasibility factors.
I’m suggesting on-campus visits, but enabling her to choose the must-see options
College visits have expanded in options compared to years ago when I went to school. In the past, you could visit the school in person or take a chance that it may be a good fit simply by reading the brochures.
Fast-forward to today, where prospective students have many exploration options, from virtual college visitation sessions to social media.
These are all excellent research options; however, I feel that it’s always good to visit the school in person when able to do so. Therefore, I tell my daughter that we should visit as many schools in person as possible, especially if she’s really interested in a few specific universities.
That said, she can pick the ones that really interest her, and then we’ll go explore those colleges.
I’m still providing feedback with negotiable viewpoints
Although I’ll stand back and let my daughter form her own opinions as to the individual schools, I’ll always provide feedback.
This doesn’t mean my view is the right one or that my feedback contains non-negotiable terms. I just think it’s important to provide her with details she may not have thought of and also let her know my thoughts due to my experience and having gone through the college search process on my own — albeit many years ago.
The feedback will also revolve around cost and location. For example, even with access to scholarships and grants, attending certain schools may not be possible due to financial reasons.
I may also want to provide insight into the pros and cons of schools within driving distance versus colleges that require airline travel. In addition, safety factors may also be discussed when comparing different schools. However, I don’t want this feedback to be a definitive response but instead talking points to discuss when deciding which universities and colleges may be right for her.
I’m reminding my daughter I’m always here for her
Most importantly, I make it a point to let her know that although she will take the lead in finding her ideal university, I’m always here for her when she needs advice, information, or simply a parent’s loving guidance.
As a mom, I’m going into this college search process, hoping to provide the best possible guidance for my daughter as she takes the initial steps toward adulthood while giving her the space to find her way and make her own decisions.
Ultimately, I know that she will choose the college or university that is right for her as she embarks on this new and exciting journey.
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