I gave birth to my first three children between 1998 and 2000. When they were growing up, I knew enough about the internet to remind them never to share their personal information online, but that was the extent of it.
Then, I gave birth to my fourth child in 2011 and quickly realized how much had changed over a short time. I had to adjust my approach to parenting in the digital age.
I’m more strict with monitoring online activity. However, I’ve learned to relinquish control in other instances where I never would have before.
Parental controls these days are much better
When my eldest three were growing up in the 2000s, parental online control tools were limited.
I also worked outside the home, and so was was unable to monitor everything they did on the family desktop computer, which I strategically placed in a common area. I just had to trust they were being honest about their online activities.
In contrast, my 13-year-old’s access to the internet is significantly limited.
I’m chronically online because I now work remotely, and this has helped raise my awareness of online threats and in turn drastically changed the way I parent my youngest.
His personal laptop — like the desktop his older siblings used — stays in a common area. However, I no longer have to rely on the honor system because of improved parental control options.
I now have an app that alerts me of any seemingly suspicious activity. It looks for certain keywords that could align with self-harm, bullying, violence, and anything else inappropriate.
I also limit his cell phone access to texts from his father and siblings and a few select friends, and it too is monitored by parental controls. Apart from that, the phone remains in my possession.
This helps me breathe a little easier, but I know I can’t protect him from everything. I also try to give him resources so he can protect himself when I can’t.
For example, I keep our home library stocked with books and workbooks for teens on perspective, bias, and how to properly wade through disinformation.
The shift in my parenting style goes beyond technology.
I wish I gave my eldest the same freedom my youngest has
Twenty years ago, I never would have considered placing a bow and arrow in the hands of my 4-year-old, let alone a carving knife.
With age comes wisdom, though, and since becoming a work-from-home parent I’ve had more time to read parenting books and seek advice from experts in child education and development, which has broadened my perspective.
For example, I made sure my youngest spent his earliest years taking part in a forest school. Afternoons meant nature walks in the woods, identifying insects, and practicing archery with a real bow and arrow.
He was carving wooden creatures with a whittling knife and building fires before he could read or write his full name.
Now, as he enters his teen years, I continue to encourage him to unplug, engage with nature, and explore his creative interests independently.
My eldest kids didn’t have that freedom. The activities they participated in were adult-led and centered around indoor, structured playgroups, leaving little room for free play and independence.
Looking back, I wish I would have let them take the lead and hovered a bit less. Today, they’re all independent and successful adults, but I sometimes sense they’re hesitant to try new things. I can’t help but attribute that to my former parenting style.
I hope that by allowing my youngest more freedom to explore the world around him, he’ll gain confidence and trust in himself and his abilities that carry him through to adulthood.
Parenting is an ever-evolving journey. If there’s one thing my kids have taught me, it’s that learning and growing alongside them is essential to maintaining a strong relationship.
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